JESUIT NOVITIATE 1999: HOSPITAL TRIALS
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July 1, 1999 (Thursday) - Hospital Trials
“A study in contrast. I’ve never seen the inside of a PGH office ever in my life … even while I was a student at UP Manila
The air-conditioned offices were luxurious compared to the humid, crowded and stench-filled emergency rooms where patients lied on stretchers and steel beds apparently waiting to be attended to. A man, exposed in his “fullest glory,” had his genitals attached to a catheter … all for the whole world to see. At first, I thought I should do something, cover the ‘thing’ … yet I was just there frozen stiff … useless, not able to do the most worthwhile thing at that moment. I felt relieved eventually seeing someone else, a nurse beating me to the job. I couldn’t believe that I can be so uncaring, unmoved to do anything. I felt the same feeling as I entered the pediatric ward. I walked into a room full of what I first thought of as deformed life-forms, seemingly mutant beings. But these were children, real children, obviously suffering from so much pain yet their faces seemed already numbed, unable to further express any more tinge of emotion.
I’ve been very busy the past few days finishing lots of paperwork before this trial commenced. I guess, I’ve never really prepared myself emotionally for what befell me today. The stench made my stomach growl, the same scent perhaps that oozed the paralytic man in the Gospel (Matt 9:1-8) whom Christ ... nevertheless loved and cured … whom I myself am asked to cure. I need not mind the stench.
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July 2, 1999 (Friday) - Hospital Trials
Yesterday was also the first time for us to meet the fathers staying at Xavier House, Sta. Ana. Father Blanco officiated the mass. After which, we proceeded with pre-prandials and dinner. Brother Silverio was very accommodating, as well as Frs. Reuter, San Juan
Today is also my first full-day at the Emergency Room-Surgical Holding Area. Nurse Sonia was very pleasant. Surprise! Zaldy, Luisa and Ate Sally of Sapang Palay were there. Ely, the youngest of the brood apparently broke his arm. Today, I also met Frankie, a semi-retarded girl accompanied by her parents Frank and Juliet of Mindanao. They’ve been shuttling to and from Ifugao for months to reserve an operation schedule for Frankie. This time, they got a slot. Similar to Ely, another patient Allan also broke a bone, a leg bone this time. His x-ray says it all. What a huge fracture! His broken bone almost protruded out of his skin. What a gory sight for anyone. Allan is however lucky to have his fiancee Lalaine by his side, giving him all the support. Nancy Dolores was also waiting for her scheduled operation. A gallon of water hang from a rope connected to her broken leg. This is almost like a torture chamber, I said to myself and Nancy
People in the holding area spend practically all their days waiting … some already for a week or more … waiting … waiting … amidst an atmosphere of confusion (i.e., scampering for places where to look for money, for blood, for medicine, etc. Truly if one is poor, one has to wait. The poor do not really have much choice.
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July 3, 1999 (Thursday) - Feast of St. Thomas the Apostle
“Kamang gawa sa lata.” Krik … krik … krik. Ang kamang de gulong ay gawa rin sa lata. Medyo yupi … pero subok nang maaasahan. “Stainless” ang makintab na aluminium na kumarga na rin ng ‘di mabilang na dami ng pasyente. ‘Stainless” nga at walang bakas ng dugo, laway, dumi, ihi o ni maging mga luha na noo’y pumatak rito. Ang kamang de gulong ay yari rin sa lata … latang naging bahagi ng mga pinaglabang buhay ng maraming dumaan sa impiyernong ospital na ito.
Waiting … waiting … waiting. The poor, whether they like it or not, need to wait and they wait endlessly. Amidst the atmosphere of urgency, of life ticking away … people lie in wait, as if time had lost it value, as if time had stood still in the hospital’s emergency ward. Everyone needs to tow the line … to wait … wait … and wait. Whew! I don’t see myself being of help in such circumstances. When there seems a lot that can be done, there I was helpless … powerless … confused … amidst the apparent chaos and turbulence. Such is the life of the poor.
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August 13, 1999 (Friday)
“Not all can accept this word, but only those to whom that is granted. “ (Matthew 19:11).
Grant me the grace today Father to accept you commission for me to be by my lone-ness. Help me derive consolation from the fact that you have singled me out for this life. Grant me Your word and the grace to live it to the full.
