The past two (2) months since we've entered the novitiate had been an enough eye-opener ... a time of endless self-discovery indeed. Everyone's learning about EVERYTHING ... and EVERYONE. For one ... our batch needed to learn ... and all too soon ... how LOVE and FRIENDSHIPS are LOST ... yes, even in the Jesuit novitiate. I can understand how such a TRAGIC circumstance can be a source of learning for the six of us ... newbies ... who may well anticipate a "similar" development in our own dynamics as a batch. It fascinates me to think how easy "solutions" to such "problems" are matter-of-fact-ly suggested alongside subtle assertions that we are different ... that we are 100% okay ... that we can never go wrong ... that we can HELP the situation ... that we can promise and make a pact to keep our friendships okay forever. Huh!!!
Thus: "I WOULDN'T PRETEND THAT I AM OKAY ... BECAUSE I AM NOT." I'm struggling with a lot of things and I acknowledge my many imperfections. I need not fool myself in claiming that I can offer solutions to all the problems ... because I can't ... and I wont! Relationships are lost and sometimes are beyond repair. But isn't that a reality ... a probability even for us struggling to keep friendships intact???
Indeed ... THINGS CAN GO WRONG and no amount of sugar coating issues and denying the imperfections I see around me can help resolve things. We cannot prevent HURTING ourselves and others ... and we do so even as we keep the best intentions in mind. TAKE A REALITY PILL ... I tell myself as I continue to pray that I recognize all the more my imperfections and learn to face head on the challenges and realities that slowly unfold each day ... in this laboratory we call the novitiate.
