How will I be when I grow old?

When asked to discern how I'll spend my Urban Poor Trials, my prayer ... I thought, moved me to address my pestering discomfort of living "forever" a life of "single blessedness."  "How will I be when I grow old,?" has been the question that had been bothering my consciousness time and time again.  What will life be without a family?  How will I spend the twilight years of my life alone and with no one to share my life stories with?  I paused ... remembered the funerals of priests we buried in the Jesuit cemetery since after Entrance Day and couldn't help but think of this life ... a sad and lonely life?  Thus, I wanted to see for myself how "the old" of society deal with such a life-shaking reality.  It would have been ideal to be assigned caring for old and sick priests ... priests ... the "busiest" people around.  Not having a family with whom they can share their day's efforts, priests can think of their work as the source of identity and life.  How is it like to be deprived of one's "usefulness in one's later years?"  I thought.


Unfortunately, no "Bahay Pari" can accommodate a curious Jesuit novice for now.  And what a propitious act of the Spirit to find myself amongst the poorest of the poor ... working side by side members of Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity.

Prior to this exposure, Mother Teresa was simply a modern day icon ... a news and media item ... the saint waiting to be officially canonized.  Though India had draped its national flag on the wooden box which carried the remains of this short yet greatly loved Albanian nun ... her work and influence, all must agree had taken roots in the hearts of many.  This ... I was to learn and appreciate quite tremendously the past weeks ... as I lived with and breathed the spirit of Mother Teresa amongst the brothers and sisters of the Missionaries of Charity.

JESUIT NOVITATE 1999: URBAN POOR TRIALS

by Frank Savadera, SJ

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October 25, 1999 (Monday) – URBAN POOR TRIALS

Prior to this exposure, Father Benny asked us to choose our preference for the urban poor exposure. Dot asked for a program to go to Palawan with the fisherfolk there. Karel was sent to the Drug Rehabilitation Center. Oliver is doing his retreat. Jason, Javier and Chris will go through the regular urban poor exposure. Upon my request, I was assigned to this home for the aged. I would have wanted to stay with ageing and retired priests but somehow had a difficult time with the arrangements. For two weeks, I’ll be staying with the Missionaries of Charity – Brothers here in Bagbag, Novaliches and for the next 2-weeks with the sisters in Tayuman.

I’ve passed by this area in Bagbag already before. I think this is very near Javier’s place. Days ago, I was already talking to Bro. Benedict on the phone for possible accommodations. The brothers were very glad to welcome me. Apparently, the sisters in Tayuman wouldn’t let me stay-in with them (understandably because they have a novitiate). They suggested that I go to the brothers firsts for the first two weeks and they’ll arrange for a room for me somewhere near the home in Tayuman. Bagbag seems an ideal place already, given that it’s very near the novitiate.

Brother Juan was in the ward when I first came in. He doesn’t appear to me as a brother at all. Short, dark and chubby, the good brother can pass for a cleaning boy with a Visayan accent. He was however very cordial, open in expressing his delight in welcoming a Jesuit. He showed me my room. The Indian brothers are also very kind and cheerful. The youngest is my partner Brother Alvinos who seems so innocent and childlike, traits that betray his huge physique. He stays with me in the house with the Filipino brothers. Brothers Sebastian and Dyoti come in the mornings from the other house near Commonwealth and leave in the afternoons. Between the two, Brother Sebastian is the formator type. Bro. Dyoti, on the other hand, is the ‘untypical‘ one. Alvinos teases him privately as ‘strange.’ The brothers live very simple lives. Yesterday, for lunch, we only had ‘adobong itlog’ and ampalaya for the main course. Whew! This life can be very Spartan. I’m seeing most closely how poverty is lived by these brothers. Mother Theresa, I’m sure had the remarkable hand behind all of these. I’m so edified.

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October 26, 1999 (Tuesday) – URBAN POOR TRIALS

The routine in the house is quite extraordinary. Brothers Sebastian and Dyoti arrive in the morning just in time for the clean-up. Everyone in the house helps out in the chores. For a start, Brother Sebastian gave me a mop and a pail. He instructed me to fill the container with water and add lysol and chlorox. I mopped the whole ward today. Looking at the others' tasks, however, my job seemed so simple. Brother Juan gives the lolos their bath. Brother Alvinos and Dyoti empty the ICU of their wards and pour pails and pails of water on the floor. The place was like a huge pig pen. From outside the ward, I can smell the foul odor of saliva, urine and human waste combined. It was unbearable. I’d easily puke. I’d settle with the mop. I’d settle with the mop anytime. The work, however doesn’t stop there. We dressed the old wards (their clothes are communal which we pick up from a big basket), changed their bedsheets, cut their nails and prepare them for lunch (at 11:00AM which is the exact time when all the chores have been done ... hopefully). For those who cannot manage to eat by themselves, we spoonfeed them. Some of the lolos can be so ‘masungit’ and grumpy. Some have no expression on their faces at all.

I particularly liked talking to Tatay Bien who stays at the end most portion of the main ward, closest to the ICU. He reads the Bible a lot and has even decorated his wall with all sorts of stampitas. He quotes the verses a lot from memory. He’s the wise guy among the lolos in the ward. His family, apparently already left him. According to the old man, he was an abusive father … perhaps a result of his being a former addict and a drug pusher. His prayer and learnings from the passages keep him hopeful about his diabetes. Boyet, on the other hand, was a victim of circumstance. While guarding his post, as a security guard in a bank … he was shot in the head during a heist. He survived but had since then become a vegetable. His family no longer can care for him. Deliquent teenagers Roger, Bryan, Nelson, Joel, Jerome, Edgar, Wilmer, Arwin, Jeric and Anthony also had their own share of disabilities. They kept the ward noisy and chaotic with their banters. The younger boys needed to be nursed because of their varying states of retardation. John Paul, Danny Boy, Francis, Fly-fly and Dino were kept in a special room … sometimes even tied to their beds much so that they don’t hurt themselves moving around. I feel sorry for these kids. It seems so early for them to suffer much at their very young age.

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Song of Saint Peter

Often have I asked my mind to speak for me

Words aptly chosen for each time

Never quite concerned how things may mean to you

All my phrases … all my lines.

A fool am I to sing of such an empty tune

And count on your assuring nod or smile

I’ve caused you trouble enough far more than I know

Like to say “I love you” and eat my words at certain times.

Yet from afar you’ve kept your loving gaze

Drawing me to you inspite my meanest ways

You’ve caught my hand and asked me to walk over the sea

And then I know you’ll be there calming every wind and storm for me.

As when you gave your light to those in darkness

As when you’ve set the poor man’s toes to touch the ground again.

I’d kiss the wood before they lift me from the earth …

Then I’ll hear your voice saying:

“Be still … be quiet for I’m with you. Soon you’ll see my face again.”

JESUIT NOVITIATE 1999: HOSPITAL TRIALS

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July 1, 1999 (Thursday) - Hospital Trials

“A study in contrast. I’ve never seen the inside of a PGH office ever in my life … even while I was a student at UP Manila. Ma’am Grace Valderrama was more than accommodating. Gina’s mom brought to my mind many a good and sad memories of my old college days. The lady would know about my history … not for long … from Gina, of course, her daughter, the very good friend of someone whom I may have hurt really bad in the past.

The air-conditioned offices were luxurious compared to the humid, crowded and stench-filled emergency rooms where patients lied on stretchers and steel beds apparently waiting to be attended to. A man, exposed in his “fullest glory,” had his genitals attached to a catheter … all for the whole world to see. At first, I thought I should do something, cover the ‘thing’ … yet I was just there frozen stiff … useless, not able to do the most worthwhile thing at that moment. I felt relieved eventually seeing someone else, a nurse beating me to the job. I couldn’t believe that I can be so uncaring, unmoved to do anything. I felt the same feeling as I entered the pediatric ward. I walked into a room full of what I first thought of as deformed life-forms, seemingly mutant beings. But these were children, real children, obviously suffering from so much pain yet their faces seemed already numbed, unable to further express any more tinge of emotion.

I’ve been very busy the past few days finishing lots of paperwork before this trial commenced. I guess, I’ve never really prepared myself emotionally for what befell me today. The stench made my stomach growl, the same scent perhaps that oozed the paralytic man in the Gospel (Matt 9:1-8) whom Christ ... nevertheless loved and cured … whom I myself am asked to cure. I need not mind the stench.

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July 2, 1999 (Friday) - Hospital Trials

Yesterday was also the first time for us to meet the fathers staying at Xavier House, Sta. Ana. Father Blanco officiated the mass. After which, we proceeded with pre-prandials and dinner. Brother Silverio was very accommodating, as well as Frs. Reuter, San Juan and Ledesma. The community is an old one. I couldn’t help but wonder when and how each one will eventually retire. I guess, as Jesuits, we are all called to simply keep on going, giving our best to the fullest … and yes, ‘til our last breath.

Today is also my first full-day at the Emergency Room-Surgical Holding Area. Nurse Sonia was very pleasant. Surprise! Zaldy, Luisa and Ate Sally of Sapang Palay were there. Ely, the youngest of the brood apparently broke his arm. Today, I also met Frankie, a semi-retarded girl accompanied by her parents Frank and Juliet of Mindanao. They’ve been shuttling to and from Ifugao for months to reserve an operation schedule for Frankie. This time, they got a slot. Similar to Ely, another patient Allan also broke a bone, a leg bone this time. His x-ray says it all. What a huge fracture! His broken bone almost protruded out of his skin. What a gory sight for anyone. Allan is however lucky to have his fiancee Lalaine by his side, giving him all the support. Nancy Dolores was also waiting for her scheduled operation. A gallon of water hang from a rope connected to her broken leg. This is almost like a torture chamber, I said to myself and Nancy’s surname says it all. “Dolores” is to suffer and people here, whether they like it or not, take their share of pain.

People in the holding area spend practically all their days waiting … some already for a week or more … waiting … waiting … amidst an atmosphere of confusion (i.e., scampering for places where to look for money, for blood, for medicine, etc. Truly if one is poor, one has to wait. The poor do not really have much choice.

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July 3, 1999 (Thursday) - Feast of St. Thomas the Apostle

“Kamang gawa sa lata.” Krik … krik … krik. Ang kamang de gulong ay gawa rin sa lata. Medyo yupi … pero subok nang maaasahan. “Stainless” ang makintab na aluminium na kumarga na rin ng ‘di mabilang na dami ng pasyente. ‘Stainless” nga at walang bakas ng dugo, laway, dumi, ihi o ni maging mga luha na noo’y pumatak rito. Ang kamang de gulong ay yari rin sa lata … latang naging bahagi ng mga pinaglabang buhay ng maraming dumaan sa impiyernong ospital na ito.

Waiting … waiting … waiting. The poor, whether they like it or not, need to wait and they wait endlessly. Amidst the atmosphere of urgency, of life ticking away … people lie in wait, as if time had lost it value, as if time had stood still in the hospital’s emergency ward. Everyone needs to tow the line … to wait … wait … and wait. Whew! I don’t see myself being of help in such circumstances. When there seems a lot that can be done, there I was helpless … powerless … confused … amidst the apparent chaos and turbulence. Such is the life of the poor.

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August 13, 1999 (Friday)

“Not all can accept this word, but only those to whom that is granted. “ (Matthew 19:11).

Grant me the grace today Father to accept you commission for me to be by my lone-ness. Help me derive consolation from the fact that you have singled me out for this life. Grant me Your word and the grace to live it to the full.

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August 15, 1999 (Sunday) - Solemnity of the Assumption of the Blessed Mother

“I’ll follow Your word, O Father with much awe and joy. Let my soul proclaim your greatness.”

JESUIT NOVITIATE 1999

April 19, 1999 (Monday) – Baguio Villa (Evaluation of Secundi)

Today is just our second day in Baguio … my first as a Jesuit novice. What a terrible day! At dinner last night, Father Benny announced the inevitable: the superiors shall proceed with the evaluation of our secundi, that is, to ascertain and announce if they will or will not take their vows in May. People were naturally tense. Isn’t Villa the time for rest? Why this? Why now? Perhaps my secundi were already expecting the worst. Had they been ideal Jesuit novices? We cannot say for sure. The past year with them had been truly tumultuous, that is, people embroiled in a lot of issues and controversies. How will the superiors judge them? How will God judge them? True enough, each one was called … in alphabetical order. Before the day ended, three of them got deferred Alfonso, Moral and Paterno. Mario was hit the worst. He shut himself inside his room for almost a day. I saw Max leave the evaluation room, running to the comfort room, vomiting real hard … his head bent closest to the toilet bowl. He’s getting his vows yet he seemed so surprised. Manolet, as always was trying to be cool yet apparently deeply troubled. A while later, he dropped the “callboy” joke which terribly irked Chris. Dragging his injured leg behind him (after attempting a game of basketball with the guys), Chris likewise shut himself inside his room, that is, not after making a scene and slamming his door hard behind him. It was really a terrible day for everyone. Any Villa after this would definitely be better.

June 12, 1999 (Saturday)

Father Santi Gaa, SJ passes away today at 9:00am. We rung the bell for him. Fathers Mon, Benny and Vic B. were all not around. I just received word from Father Vic that as beadle, I should secure the late father’s room and lock it from outside. With Kuya Art with me, we entered the father’s room. I felt the eerieness of the place. We made sure everything is in place. We stepped out of the room and locked the door behind us.

June 16, 1999 (Wednesday)

Choosing to stay behind for a time in the novitiate after his batchmates left for Loyola House, Mario Moral eventually decides to leave the Society. Good luck to you, Mario. I’ll be seeing you around.

JESUIT NOVITIATE: 8-DAY RETREAT

by Frank Savadera, SJ

April 8, 1999 (Thursday) – Start of 8-day Retreat with Father Danny Huang, SJ (Novitiate)

“None of us lives as his own. None of us dies as his own. For while we live, we are responsible to God and when we die, we die as His servants. For both in life and death, we belong to God that is why Christ has died for us and has come again. We shall all appear before the judgement seat of God. For it is written that every knee shall bend before me. And every tongue shall give thanks to God."

April 8, 1999 (8-day Retreat) Who are you? I am rotten to the core. I will not hide my sins from You, O God because you know everything about me. I open my life to you in all transparency … in all honesty. I surrender to you my many weaknesses, my frailties, my sorrows and pains. Please deal with them. Please deal with me, O God. Bless me Lord and correct my faults. Bless me with the grace to pray more, to honor You more, to proclaim You truly as my God.

I’m sure You know that I have not been generous of myself, O Father. All I’ve thought of these past years was what I … what my person can derive from my many circumstances; what material gains I can benefit from different situations. I am a person of greed. I am a person of lies. I am a self-absorbed person.

I ask You Lord to cure me. I believe in Your power to heal. I believe in Your influence and Your power to change my life. I throw myself before Your feet that You may deal with me most appropriately. You have drawn me Lord to this life and I’ve allowed myself to be drawn by You … only because I wished to express the deepest and sincerest desire of my heart, to love You and open myself up to You. Allow me O Father to receive from You the grace of strength and perseverance.

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April 9, 1999 (Easter Friday) – 8day Retreat (Novitiate)

Praise! Praise! Praise!

I was born to praise You O God and this is my purpose for being. I know it was not appropriate for me to read during this time of the retreat and yet I did read Carlos Valles’ book “Living Together.” And true enough, I’ve found You once again answering my many queries. At this time when I once again feel very reactive about community life, I try to ask myself: How come? Why? Am I praying enough? Hard enough? Lord, I must accept that I’ve never prayed enough, hard enough as You expected me to … as I even expected myself to. And no wonder things are just as bad … not working well as I originally envisioned them to be. Forgive me, O God for I’ve never been so untrue to You.

Praise! Praise! Praise! And yes, O Father You said: It is when people praise You that they triumph against their enemies … i.e., the Ammonites and the Amorites of the old. Joshaphat triumphed over the people of Seir after lining up his singers in the frontline, singing praises to You, O God. The walls of Jericho crumbled after Your priests blew their trumphets of praise. To praise You, to offer everything to You, to shout at the top of our voices for You in praise and worship is what we were created for, O God. This we do to assure You of victory against Your foes.

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April 10, 1999 (Easter Saturday)- 8 day Retreat

“Sin? Again? God destroys Jerusalem as He declares: “I will bring forth four kinds of scourges upon you. The sword that will slay you; the dogs that will drag you around; the birds in the air and the beast on the ground to devour and destroy you. And I will make of you an example of horror for all the earth to see.”

Yet, as You have said, O Father, I remain Your creature blemished and weak. I am frail. I am not worthy of Your love. Cleanse me. Purify me. Remove from me the pain of being enmeshed in my own recurring sinfulness.

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April 11, 1999 (Sunday) – 8 day Retreat (Novitiate)

For not condemning me for my sins, my heart is full of gratitude for You, O my God. Despite my many atrocities, my sinfulness … there You are telling me: “Peace be with you.” Many times have I deserted You, O Father. Many times have I run away from You. And everytime I slide into sin, I completely forget who You are in my life. All I think of is myself. Forgive me Father that I may reform myself. Forgive me that I may have the strength to veer away from my sinful compulsions. Forgive me that I may find the grace to continue living.

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April 12, 1999 (Monday) - 8 day Retreat (Novitiate)

“Magnanimity! Pusilanimity! Pettiness! Pettiness! I’ve been very petty all throughout my stay here in the novitiate. I’ve been inclined to see only those that are external … only those that I see, I hear and touch. I have been shallow, lacking in depth in my spirituality. No depth. No interiority.

Cautious … very cautious … segurista! I’ve been very much into guarding my real emotions … never expressing them …and making them known. I know that I love You, O God and I know that You also know that for sure. Your works truly affect me and yet why do I wish to always put up this stupid facade … strong and formidable enough for people not to see my truest feelings and emotions? Take this pretense away from me, O Father and give me instead the inner strength to recognize the real movements inside me. Let me grow in interiority. Love me as You loved Nicodemus, despite his being cautious like myself. In so doing, may I truly grow in openly expressing my love for You.

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April 13, 1999 (Tuesday) – 8 day Retreat (Novitiate)

Who is Barnabas? “Son of Encouragement.”

For sure, God wants us to totally be born again. He wouldn’t settle for us simply being extra nice or kind to our fellows. He wants us to totally be born again. Hope. There’s hope for everyone like myself. This promise is what we find in the character of Barnabas. And the Lord says: Be like Barnabas who encouraged, who staked everything for the Kingdom. He who encourages others to live the faith, to keep the faith … is the true disciple of Christ. Forgive me, O God for not being encouraging enough … for not being a disciple that I promised myself to be.

I’ve likewise found myself quiet, extremely quiet these days since after the mission trials. I’ve been thinking a lot these days. Am I being drawn to be more like Barnabas … to give, to give everything of myself to others? to fully enter the formation process? This would entail a lot from me, I know, that is, a true, sincere and complete renewal of my spirit, a reinvigoration of God’s call in my heart. Lord, I want to be humble for You. I want to be meek for You. I want to be kind and encouraging for You. I continue to experience Your call to stand by Your truest standards … of humility and spiritual poverty. I know that this requires from me losing more personal control of situations. This will be very difficult for me, O God, I’m sure You know. Stand by me, O Father.

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April 14, 1999 (Wednesday) – 8 day Retreat (Novitiate)

Today, we take a break from our retreat to bury Fr. Roly Bonoan, SJ. As usual, I once again took charge of the camera. A view from the camera’s viewfinder allows me to see what the Society of Jesus is about. Here I see brothers taking care of their own. We bury our own dead. I am now part of this institution. I am a Jesuit. These people are my family now.

The Book says: Who ever believes in Him shall not perish … The Greek translation, we were told by Father Danny, implies not only the preposition “in” but more importantly, “into.” “Believing “into” Hitherefore carries with it a different connotation. It now means “being involved in Him,” “being excited about Him,” “being energetic before His very presence.” Lord, once again, You call on me to delve deeper into Your heart and into Your life. Despite my personal limitations, You encourage me to believe and have faith, to keep the fidelity to the ordinary circumstances here in the novitiate, similar perhaps to that exemplified by the life of Father Bonoan.

From the sheer number of guests who attended the funeral today, I can almost understand how many lives the good father may have touched during his lifetime. People say that he was not really a “stellar” Jesuit, yet from the looks of it, he truly managed to affect the lives of many. Today, I thank you Father Rolly for making me love the Society of Jesus more … for encouraging me to pray more and to love God’s people more.

JESUIT NOVITIATE 1999

by Frank Savadera, SJ

March 16, 1999 (Tuesday)

Similar to how Jesus asked the crimpled man, today I felt Him asking me as well: “Do you want to be well?” (John 5: 1-16). Lord, give me the courage and the conviction to go through the painful path of healing myself … of making myself most pleasing to you and ridding my life of the scars and issues that keep me from giving more of myself to others. Allow me to turn my back from things that ordinarily cripple me, that keep me from obeying Your will.

Father, help me rise above my individual selfish concerns. Help me carry my own mat … that which can well represent my many personal struggles. Help me to walk again. Similar to how the crippled man walked as you command him, may I also discover the wellness that will give me the strength to proclaim Your name as truly my Saviour.

April 7, 1999 (Easter Wednesday)

Fr. Roly Bonoan passed away yesterday. May he rest in peace. He was supposed to be our retreat guide for our 8-day retreat. Heard he was in Baguio for the Villa when the unexpected happened. Not much news from our end. I’m praying for him. Olin was most devastated. Before hearing the news, I heard someone wailing inside the Oriental Chapel. They were very close, I supposed. Olin had every reason to feel truly sad. I am one with him, more so at this time.

Thank you! Thank you! Where do all these help come from? It’s simply amazing how people are more than willing to contribute something for our Area-G Medical Mission. I calledToyota, La Tondena, Eveready, some friends, Ma’am Carol, etc. and everyone seemed excited to be of help, to contribute something of worth. I answered the phone in the office and there was this Ching Escalante volunteering to donate medicines from Zuellig Pharma. Wow! I’ve realized that similar to how the Lord has called me to this life and how he continues to influence me to do good deeds, He remains steadfast … as well, in His promise of support. Truly, He doesn’t exist only in this sacred place we call the novitiate. Prior to even answering the phone and entertaining calls from all over, I can already be sure that God has already worked in the hearts of many. He has likewise called, touched and influenced the life of the other party at the other end of the line. Magnificent! I don’t think it’s all about our ‘coersive prodding’ for people to donate or contribute. It’s all about the God who knows the needs of the poor and who responds accordingly through others. I’d settle with that for the time being.

The experiences of the mission, the begging days and the medical mission teach me so much about my God … how generous and good-natured He can be … how much He knows the needs of His people. And if I ask others for help … embarassed as I am … I also know that the Lord will touch their hearts. I’ve seen how the poor need the help of others. God will help. Others will help because God will help.

JESUIT NOVITIATE: MISSION TRIALS 1999

by Frank Savadera, SJ

March 1, 1999 (Monday) – MISSION TRIALS

Karel, Chris and myself wouldn’t let the opportunity pass by. We had to take a side trip to Miarayon from Cagayan de Oro. We arrived in Kibanggay at 4:00PM. The motorbikes wouldn’t take us anymore up the mountains. Not at that time, says the habal-habal drivers. The roads going to Miarayon have yet to be paved. It’s dangerous to travel at dusk. There’ll be no assurance also for the drivers that they can still pick up passengers on their way down. What to do? What to do? We’re in the middle of nowhere, an unfamiliar place. The manangs along the road advised us to visit the sisters’ convent nearby. Hmmm … the Assumption Sisters. Sisters Claire Jo and Marianne were very welcoming. Apparently, they are friends to some of Ours. Sister Claire Jo even showed us her photo albums and there we saw familiar faces … i.e., Frs. Mon, Kit and Salty. The sisters were apparently wary of welcoming strangers the past days because of news of mass murder initiated by a cult. The sisters showed us, as well, the gory photos taken from the crime scene. We were advised not to get out of the house in the evening and as much as possible, keep the doors shut when everyone’s asleep. The community was very kind and not to mention entertaining. Sister Claire Jo even gave us Tanduay rum to drink to keep us warm. This is relief also, she said, for my asthma. A young priest apparently lives with them in this small house. Eventually, however, the sisters will transfer to a newer residence near the St. Francis Xavier School being constructed nearby. We’ll visit the place when we come back from Miarayon. In the meantime, we simply wish to survive the night given the hacker-stories.

March 2, 1999 (Tuesday) - MISSION TRIALS

We woke up excited to proceed with our trip. Two motorbikes were already waiting for us along the road. There was a another sister who was supposed to go with us. We fetched her from another house. Hmmm … we met her before during Salty’s B-day celebration. Sister Gemma from the Cenacle Sisters was not wearing the habit. They don’t. She gladly shared her asthma puff with me upon learning about my breathing difficulties. She had a spare, she said. I rode with Karel. Chris rode with Sister Gemma. Kibanggay is actually the nearest town to Miarayon. However, the habal-habal ride took us a good one hour. The roads remain unpaved ... really unpaved. At some point, we needed to alight from the bike and walk while the driver maneuvered the habal-habal safely to non-muddy paths.

Finally, we reached our destination. The weather is a bit cool. Miarayon can well be Bukidnon’s version of Tagaytay. There’s so much resources around. I myself saw tomatoes simply rotting near the roads. People couldn’t bring their harvest down the cities. There are no roads, no forms of transport. There are a lot of missed opportunities for the people of Miarayon.

The convento was joined to a small school house where two JVPs taught. Father Kit was not around. He was still in Malaybalay. We were however, welcomed warmly by the caretaker. We simply moved around and were surprised to see hundreds of roosters, housed in unique triangular shelters. I remembered how my father kept his roosters in Cavite this way. But nothing compares to the sheer number of the flock. Ang dami talaga, as far as the eye could see. The business sustains the parish, reportedly. So this is what the fathers in Cabanglasan were talking about. Some concerns about the business apparently had been raised in the diocesan meetings. As Fr. Kit however, explained, while we were in Malaybalay … better to care for roosters than anything else. Logical enough for me.

March 3, 1999 (Wednesday) – MISSION TRIALS

People of Anlugan had been waiting for me. The Miarayon trip delayed our arrival from Cagayan de Oro by a day. Salty brought us to our respective sitio assignments after a mass in Bulak. Tagging along was Salty’s cousin, Jimmy. Renovation of the chapel is apparently ongoing and almost complete, thanks to Salty’s family.

This time, Chris was assigned to Iba while Karel proceeded to Mandaing. Our sitio assignments are actually adjacent to each other … all fairly developed and along the national highway. I lived in the household of alagad Rudi who is a baker. His wife Maria Paz (Boby) is a catechist cum day-care officer. The couple has three kids, namely: Desiree, Fundador and Vinna. Tatay Jose and Nanang (also a Selda leader) live with the family. Everyone in the family is active in church. A worthwhile enterprise for everyone.

Immediately, in the afternoon Rudi, Mars, Arvin and Yeyeng (kid) brought me to the Pulangi for some recreation. I never thought that there’s a place like that in Anlugan. The sitio seemed so close to the highway. An hour’s away from the road, there it was … another hanging bridge. The nearby cliff echoes the story of a jilted lover who plunged himself down the ravine in his motorbike. Luckily or unluckily, he survived the ordeal.

The area, formerly had a chapel which Father Leoni also used to visit. According to Rudi, however, the dumagats who used to inhabit the placed were later on chased away by the lumads. Now, no lumad nor dumagat dare inhabit the place since it offers no security for residents there. What was left was nature’s wonder that awaits occasional visits from strangers like us.

"My Companion" asks: Where did I personally grow today? I answer: In my vocation (general ‘no?). What new thing have I learned today? My answer: I’m learning to love (yeeks!).

March 4, 1999 (Thursday) – MISSION TRIALS

This is my first morning in Anlugan. Rudi left early at 4:00AM to deliver bread to the stores. I heard him off. Paz went with him but returned in time to prepare for breakfast. Ate Neneng drank coffee with me ... sharing along the way how her ‘bana’ left her some 15 years ago. She was ‘buros’ then with Yeyeng and his twin. What a salvo-sharing in the morning. She was nevertheless, thankful that her family takes care of her. I can well see how she reciprocates their love.

After breakfast, Paz brought me to the ‘uma.’ Wow! Plenty of Kalabasa. When prices of corn fell sometime ago because of the over-supply, the family reportedly experimented by planting kalabasa. Tatay Jose, Ate Neneng and Yeyeng met us in the ‘uma.’ Tatang and Yeyeng must have been there very early in the morning. Tatang says that he was a panday in Misamis Oriental until circumstances made them transfer to this place some 25 years ago.

Kalabasa ni Paz

Mahina raw ang ulo mo … kung mag-uwi ka ng kalabasa

Ngunit dito sa Anlugan … kalabasa’y kakaiba

Dahon at sanga’y sa lupa’y umalsa

Upang magbigay buhay sa pamilyang umaasa.

It was time to take some pictures … with the kalabasa … with the labanderas, in the cornfields, etc. 
Also met Cherry’s parents Mang Gardo and Ate Ching who sell vegetables in the market. I also got to meet fellow kababayans, “Tagalogs” as they are called here. The Madriagas hail from Alaminos, Laguna who had since moved to this place since 1979. They now own some land around the sitio. The ‘tagalogs’ are a bit well off given the local standards. They have 30 hectares of land to manage and cultivate. Their 19 year old son Michael, however, is a constant concern for them. His brain failed to develop because of meningitis. His mother’s eyes reflected the pain that the family needs to endure because of the situation. Yet, here I find a family who lovingly accepts their fate. They apparently are being rewarded in some other ways.